i want so muchhh! unsatiable hunger :( yayyy e weekend is coming. tmr i end at 12.30!! WOOO i shall come home and watch pride and prejudice. i really do need to watch it, so it's like a mega good excuse for watching a movie :) cannot wait to sink into the sofa and let my mind drift along e unfolding of e movie. so happy dont need to move my brain. ok feel so inarticulate. ok la make some sort of impromptu wishlist. ehhh... draw like shu mizoguchi, do my jigsaw puzzle and decorate my achingly bare walls, write my short story, learn paul ekman's facial reading skills, read lots of books (omg my books gonna be due haven't read anyyyy stupid pp taking up all my reading time), talk with a lot of people, ehhh still got... oh i haven't even touched my material wishlist but nvm. this is more like a list of things i want to do... aiya ok lemme move on to my original topic.
Reflection is a dangerous thing. When you reflect and introspect, you become aware. In most cases it's actually good... awareness of what you're doing, saying and thinking and evaluating them can only result in a refinement and finesse of character. But in relation to people, this awareness has a double edged effect. Being aware means that you know what you're thinking, saying and doing, and that means you're aware of the purpose. In other words, there is an 'ulterior motive' (don't mind the negative connotations of the term) to everything that you think, say or do. And no matter whether the intentions are good or not, the fact is that this introspective awareness leaks out to other people as a brand of artificiality.
And the thing is... this is exactly the kind of thing that everyone is looking out for. Even if the intentions are good, that degree of fake-ness will result in the unforgiving label of 'hypocrite'. Superficiality and sincerity comprise the 2 ends of the spectrum that we use to judge people; everyone is unanimously critical of someone who is fake and sincere friendship and love are the things to be treasured. And that's how it should be... but the irony of the situation is that spontaneity is completely impossible in the light of reflection and awareness. How can your smile be natural if you're thinking: am I smiling in the right way; is my lips curved enough? How can your words sound sincere if you're constantly thinking: if I say this, what will he think of me; if I say that, what are the consequences of it?
I've always wondered what it would be like to completely forgo introspection and reflection and just... live life as it comes. While there may be so much more problems, things may also be so much simpler. But when I think about that, I'm always heartened by what my cat class teacher said - it's always better to be aware. I can't really figure out the logic behind that at the moment but I know that the wisddom of his words will dawn on me some day or another.
Name: Foo Guo Zhong Melvyn
Age: 19+
Affiliations: MSHS (Pri), Rosyth, RI, RJC, SFX (LoG)
Bday: 14th Nov
Email: mel_protoss@hotmail.com
i want so muchhh! unsatiable hunger :( yayyy e weekend is coming. tmr i end at 12.30!! WOOO i shall come home and watch pride and prejudice. i really do need to watch it, so it's like a mega good excuse for watching a movie :) cannot wait to sink into the sofa and let my mind drift along e unfolding of e movie. so happy dont need to move my brain. ok feel so inarticulate. ok la make some sort of impromptu wishlist. ehhh... draw like shu mizoguchi, do my jigsaw puzzle and decorate my achingly bare walls, write my short story, learn paul ekman's facial reading skills, read lots of books (omg my books gonna be due haven't read anyyyy stupid pp taking up all my reading time), talk with a lot of people, ehhh still got... oh i haven't even touched my material wishlist but nvm. this is more like a list of things i want to do... aiya ok lemme move on to my original topic.
Reflection is a dangerous thing. When you reflect and introspect, you become aware. In most cases it's actually good... awareness of what you're doing, saying and thinking and evaluating them can only result in a refinement and finesse of character. But in relation to people, this awareness has a double edged effect. Being aware means that you know what you're thinking, saying and doing, and that means you're aware of the purpose. In other words, there is an 'ulterior motive' (don't mind the negative connotations of the term) to everything that you think, say or do. And no matter whether the intentions are good or not, the fact is that this introspective awareness leaks out to other people as a brand of artificiality.
And the thing is... this is exactly the kind of thing that everyone is looking out for. Even if the intentions are good, that degree of fake-ness will result in the unforgiving label of 'hypocrite'. Superficiality and sincerity comprise the 2 ends of the spectrum that we use to judge people; everyone is unanimously critical of someone who is fake and sincere friendship and love are the things to be treasured. And that's how it should be... but the irony of the situation is that spontaneity is completely impossible in the light of reflection and awareness. How can your smile be natural if you're thinking: am I smiling in the right way; is my lips curved enough? How can your words sound sincere if you're constantly thinking: if I say this, what will he think of me; if I say that, what are the consequences of it?
I've always wondered what it would be like to completely forgo introspection and reflection and just... live life as it comes. While there may be so much more problems, things may also be so much simpler. But when I think about that, I'm always heartened by what my cat class teacher said - it's always better to be aware. I can't really figure out the logic behind that at the moment but I know that the wisddom of his words will dawn on me some day or another.